*Sigh* Guy-girl problems

So my gay boyfriend hooked up with my old gay boyfriend but that problem is that gay boyfriend 2 doesn't actually like gay boyfriend 1. So on their first date GB 1 was going to meet GB 2's mom and it was all going awesome till GB's mom went out for a cig. Then things start to heat up. GB 2 wips out his piece and after he does so GB 1 does the same. They sucked and haded it to eachother for a while till the mom came back in. Then they went outside to check the mail and they were kissing and grabing eachother's arses and everything was still fine. GB 2's mom went out again and they started grinding and sword fighting. They went to Wal-mart and were holding hands and that is where thier day ended. The next day GB 1 wanted a kiss but GB 2 was acting wierd and that is pretty much where I am right now. I found out last night that GB 2 didn't like GB 1 but that he probably isn't going to tell him until after they go to the dance together if at all. I hope he does something about this or it will end up bad for them both when GB 2 moves at the end of this month. I also hope I don't have an all night girls crying party with GB 1

My gay boyfriend

Okay as you should know from reading my earlier blogs I am in a relationship with a boy named Jackson. Just wanted to clear that up before I write any further. So over the years since I have realized a always have a guy (who is totally unavailable to me) who I flirt with constantly. I have come to know these guys as my 'gay boyfriends'. Even though most of them aren't even gay. Anyway time to tell you my history of gay boyfriends. My first one that I can remember of the top of my head is my friend Mike. Mike isn't gay I just would rather think of him as gay than a possible suiter. (even though if I wasn't with Jackson I would be with him) So when I found out that my ex-boyfriend Fish was gay Mike got bumped down to bestfriend and Fish got bumped up to gay boyfriend because he was actually gay. So this was about 9th grade and then I moved half way through the year. Now here is the funnier part. So Fish was still my gay boyfriend after I moved it is just after a year or two of living in different cities we grew apart so I was left without a gay boyfriend and just a boyfriend. So then this year started. I met this kid who is in the year below me and his name is Dustin. He turns out to be bisexual so I claimed him as my new gay boyfriend. Then it turms out like a month later that he is in fact actually gay. I was so happy because he was already like my best friend by then. But then I found out something very sad. He is moving in at the end of Febuary. It mostly sucks because it is a few days before my birthday. So I was going to be left gay boyfriend less again (and pretty much friendless as well). After the christmas break though a really cute guy moved here from NJ and one of the very first questions I asked him was 'what is your sexual orientation' and evreyone answered for him that he was straight because almost all of them had a crush on him. (wishfull thinking much?) So he pulls me over to the side a tells me that he is actually gay (I knew it) and tells me not to tell anyone unless it is nessisary. I told Andria so that she could get over her stupid little crush. So that is where I am right now. Daren the gay boyfriend. He has a crush on Dustin though. Does that mean he has to break up with me?

The year goes by

Okay so blogging time! Alright I don't remember if I actually ever said this but me and my boyfriend to came to the decision over the summer to allow me to date girls. The reason at the time was that he lived far away and I needed someone to hold onto when I couldn't see him for months at a time. So I started looking around. The first girl I tried to go out with was named Amanda and just like all the other Amanda's in the world she was otherwise known as PANDA. Anyway so we went out for all of a week because I have known her since sixth grade and from what I remember her as she was pretty smart and when we chatted online she still sounded smart ... then I heard her voice. It was like a chipmunk died in her throat or something. So I broke it off. The second girl I tried to go out with almost worked out. She hadn't gone out with anyone since her dipshit ex dupped her. So she was exploring her oppsions and I was one of them. We kissed once and just when she was actually going to be my girlfriend her ex asks her out and she says yes. Needless to say I haven't spoken to little miss Jalor since. Then I tried to go out with one of the girls on my colorguard team. She did drugs but whatever. Bree seemed really cool till I finally caught on that the only time she said 'I love you' was when she was high. So I lost her. Now the next girl was the worst. All of them broke my heart but she was the worst ever. Okay so I need to tell you her story. I have been friends with her sister Robin for a while now and I used to like Robin. Two days after meeting Andria she tells me her families big secret about how she had sex with her brother. I would buy this if she hadn't told half of our group of friends the same thing. So everyone knew. Then she proceeds to start telling me about her 'boyfriend'. Her boyfriend is the prince of vampires and Brian (her boyfriend) is the human and the dominant personality while Konohari (his vampire crazy) is the actual vampire. Even though Brian is the one who drinks the blood. Even though Brian is the one who has supposedly lived two blocks away from her all her life and she has never met him. Now this is how it all fits into the mix. Brian and Andrea met online through a Lesbian girl named Hannah. Why did I point out that she is a lesbian you ask? Well it is because Brian will 'posses' her and they always end up making out. Oh and Hannah also has a alternate personality named Cloe who is Konoharie's sister. Okay. Another I forgot to mention is that she has never actually talked to him over the phone. He refused to talk to her until his penis was 8 inches long. and just before it is he 'dies'. I say that because his body is still alive and Konohari is living in it just he is in hell because of the 'vampire hinters' mistook him for Konohari. Jackson and I were going to help her 'bring him back' (or rather exspose him as a dirty ass liar) but he cam up with some cacamammy bullshit story about some key. So that is pretty much where I am right now as far as girls go. I may have to tell you some of the other stories I have already from this year. but it is getting late and I have homework to do. So peace.

I tried to change the world with a blog

Alright so the other day I ecsploaded and about some stupid emos on myyearbook. The thing is that people have this delusion that emo is based on their looks and so I ranted about it in the emo thread. Well needless to say I got yelled at for speaking my mind as things usually go. But one particular comment caught my eye. 'I think it is so stupid when people try to change the world with a blog. It doesn't matter what you say because it won't change anything. Makes me so mad when people try to change the world with a blog!' I feel bad for the people wo really think like this because those are the people that don't believe that anything is possible if you set your mind to it. So now I am going to try and change the world with a blog. I will start with the obvious. Fighting: Fighting is pointless. If you are fighting for your honor doesn't it make you just like them to stoop like that? Doesn't it make you just as without honor as when you started? Fighting isn't a way to gain respect it is a way to gain fear. Now what are you going to do when someone you truely care about is afraid of you because of what you do? Or what you are going to do? What will you do when you can't tell the difference between who you are fighting and your friends and you hurt somone who is innocent? I hope that you will think about this the next time someone pisses you off, or the next time someone insults your girl/boyfriend. I hope you think about how thier words don't matter. They don't matter unless you let them matter. Don't let it matter. On to the next topic. Drugs: I understand what it is like to be stuck on, something you can't stop. I know what it is like to start something and then stop as well. But have you ever thought about how it affects you? Or those around you? I am not going to give you the same speach you heard in school for years and years because if you didn't hear it then I dout you will listen to a 15 year old now. But know this. I bet you think there is none in this world that care about you. Well you are wrong. There is one person. I care about you. And every person you contact with is a potential friend. I know I don't know you and I may never know you, but I am here for you. Next issue. Love: Directing this at homosexual love. I wonder. Have you ever been seperated from the one you love? Have you ever been hated by someone who was once your friend for loving somone? Have you ever been told to your face that your marraige is a lie? I watched this happen. I watched as some people in MY town burned the marraige certificate of a lesbian couple. You know why? Because they are lesbians. As if that is an exscuse for what they did. Have you ever taken somone to court and lost for the simple fact that you are gay? Have you ever sat in class and listened to people that you were once close to bring other people down for their sexual preference. Well I sat there and you want to know what I did? I cried. I cried for those people. I cried for those people who happen to like different things and so they are brought down by others because of it. Justifications such as the bible are being used. Well I have read the bible and I may be Athiest but let me tell you something! We have evolved from women being the little house wives we once were. There for the same rules don't apply. And to those of you who believe in god should know better. God doesn't make mistakes so who are you to judge him? And I think that is all for today so I will be leaving and going back to my normal life. Will you listen or will you turn away from your computer and forget you ever read this I wonder? It is your choice. It has always been your choice. Farewell.

~Emerald~

And then there were many

Well as you all should know, thanks giving has cime and gone. This one was the least fun for the fallowing reasons:

1. I had some people (my parents friends) from cali had to come over

2. I made out with my best friend (guy)

3. I then TOLD my boyfriend about it the next day

Now to the first. I normally don't have a problem with kevin coming over. BUT when he brings his really cute friend with him ... that is when the problems start.

To the second. Long story short. I was there, and he was there and he was horny. He grabbed my boob and I grabbed his doob and we made out. It was so fucking gross.

The last. My boyfriend is the greatest guy in the world and gave me full forgiveness because I love him. He forgave me but not my friend.

That is all I have to say for now.

See ya,

Emerald

First Day (not really)

Alright so tomorrow is the first day but I needed some place to vent about the shit that I am feeling. So let's see where to start? I am going to High School and everyone keeps saying that I am going to have so much fucking fun well guess what? I don't give a rats ass what they think. I don't think it will be FUN. I really am nervous out of my mind and though my boyfriend is trying to help he is just making it worse. The thing is I have gotten through school not by grades but by the state tests and shit. I am really good at that kind of thing. I know I am smart I am just so Fucking lazy that I am not sure if I will be able to keep up the grades to graduate let alone get a license. I am so stressed and I just wish that I could tell what was going to happen. I am just so worried.

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